Thursday, March 31, 2011
My New York Times attempt
As i was looking for scholarships on the internet i came across the prompt to write about "modern love" and if they picked me i would win a thousand bucks and have my article published in the NYT, how exciting! so here is my best shot at modern love.
Long distance Love: convenient or intolerable
I. Just. Want. Your. Attention. Period. A modern day long distance relationship makes us lazy. By all means it is a pain and you have to exert so much energy but, it makes us lazy. Before the internet, texting or even phones, a man had to work to get a girl to fall in love with him. Long devoted love letters that were hand written in Shakespearian language, sealed with his seal of arms, was the highest and most efficient form of communication. But, now with technology, a text saying “hey girl” is suppose to suffice? Girls have remained the same throughout history in their love culture in that we just want someone to notice us. How shallow some would think but, let’s be honest, no matter how confident a 21st century woman may be, we still appreciate a little look every once in a while. We just want some attention. But, notice I said some. Needy- all over you boys need not apply but the right mixture of some romance and communication goes a long way.
Being a fierce, power forward, career minded 21 year old, who is also in a long distance relationship, I like to be checked up on from time to time every day. I like to know that he is thinking about me and just a ‘hey how are you’ phone call or a planned Skype date night might ease my ever wandering, jealous imagination. But, welcome to 2011 where the internet has an always watching eye. It can be a blessing or a nightmare depending on how you use it.
I recognize that there is just so much my boyfriend can do, with him working a full time job in Seattle and me going to school and working in Phoenix. With our limited budgets and hectic schedules, flying out to see each other is not always an option. In saying that, technology plays a big role in our relationship. I mean a relationship via Skype can only last so long, unless there is some creativity involved. God bless Skype because at the end of a long stressful day, to maintain some kind of normalcy it is nice to see his face. A phone call every other day and constantly texting definitely plays a large role in keeping my relationship alive but, to keep the spark… well, that is another computer screen tab.
The constant texting can be a great reassurance but, it can also be a constant pain in the thumbs. The small talk of your everyday life in 160 characters can be challenging and dull and don’t get me started on sexting. A professor once joked with me saying that once a new piece of technology was invented and evolved, humans use it right away for sexual advances. Can you imagine Alexander Graham Bell using the telephone for phone sex? Or Bill Gates in his dorm room inventing his new software purely to find naked girls? But yet, here we are needing these things like phone sex and sexting to the replace the spark? I don’t think so. Men are visual. Clearly. And sexting is the ultimate painting the picture for the boy who needs his hand held while having an orgasm. No need for date night or flowers or a romantic outing, I will just text you the end result in great detail, 160 characters at a time. How romantic right? NOT. Definitely not a romantic substitute.
Now, social networking, when used properly can be a smile generator but, when used improperly can be a deal breaker. Half of being a couple is that public scene appeal. PDA or public display of affection can place the much needed romance into a relationship. But, when you are in a long distance relationship, that is something we long to have back. Enter Facebook: confessing your love to me in front of my 462 closest Facebook friends is a sure way to close the long distance gap for a bit. But, a sure way to make any girl go nuts is by investigating her wall. “Why didn’t you call last night?” I said, “well I saw on Facebook that you were stressed out so, I did not want to bug you.” Really? You got that from that? Yes, because when you are stressed and upset, the last thing I want is my boyfriend to call and comfort me. Can you imagine Romeo saying to Juliet, “Hey sorry I didn’t stop by your balcony last night, I thought you might be stressed out by our feuding families.” Probably not cause in order to secure a relationship in those days you had to make the effort where as now, you just have to have clever texts.
I was once told “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Now, at the time I had other opinions of what I thought that meant but, the truth is I had never had something that the thought of losing that special someone would make my heart almost break. A lot of time adults are quick to judge ‘young love.’ They have no problem expressing what they think about your relationship. My favorite is “why are you going to college with a boyfriend? Check out the scene and all the other fish in the sea before you settle on one.” With the modern woman, situations have almost reversed in that, not only are we pushed to “use our resources” and pursue several men but, we are also encouraged to make something of ourselves. So now, instead of the average woman getting married right out of high school and having six or eight babies to stay at home with, we are 180 degrees pushed to attend college, have a career and to date many men and then at the ripe young age of 40 we need to settle down and stay at home with your eight to ten babies. Okay, maybe the number of babies was a bit exaggerating but, you get what I mean. If you ask me, I want to go back. I want to go back to knowing that I have found my one love and just taking our times. I have a grandmother who every time I see her she asks me if I am married yet. I simply reply no and in astonish ask why, what have you heard. She than explains that at my age she was already married with a baby on the way. How is that for settle hint? As if my long distance relationship was not hard enough, I know have my 86 year old grandmother calling me from time to time reminding me of my expiration date and that yes, indeed the time was ticking. Despite the fact that we now have all the technology resources in the world to speed up time and make up for those lost hours where no communication was transferred, whether it be face time on my iPhone, tweeting every place that I go and a computer screen that is always on, I. just.want. some. attention. period. I want to be pursued and loved and I definitely want to take my time choosing when I walk down the aisle and whom with. If you ask me, we should turn back our clocks because, relationships and how fall in love really has not changed except that now, it is more convenient to express your love via phone rather than fly a thousand miles just to say “I love you.” If anything, we should take note on how they use to create love because those were the good ol’ days and those were the loves that really stuck throughout time. And, if you ask me, I want my modern love to be the one that lasts, to be the one that shows all those sexting teens that romance and chivalry is not dead and that yes, you can still be a modern woman and fall in love the old fashion way.
All in all, relationships are hard and long distance relationships are torturous and testing. We can’t always predict what situations we are going to encounter but we can choose who we bring along into them. Moving to Phoenix was the hardest thing I have ever done and I would never be able to accomplish that without the guidance and support from my boyfriend. I would never wish a long distance relationship on the fragile soul because growing up with a strong mother who had to see my father deployed for months on end, I knew what I was in for when I decided to go out of state. A relationship might have seemed different back with letters and William Shakespeare’s words guiding our pens but, relationships are still the same. They are still hard, stressful and emotional despite the Skype dates and the thoughtful emails. But, the point is, we choose to continue these relationships despite the distance because we know they are worth it.
